Friday, October 1, 2010

Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies: "

They walk among us

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car; it’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk…
They walk among us.

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted…. "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said… "Where???"
They walk among us.

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"…
They walk among us.


Okay, I don’t actually live with morons in my home, but trust me, if you’ve ever driven anywhere in the Chicagoland area, you’ll know there are plenty enough around here to make me feel like I live with them.

This is a song that came to mind while I was putting this post together. I remember it was kind of popular back in the mid-late 90s. The line about the tires always cracked me up, and the one about fishing, too. :) I tried to find the video of the song, and I picked the one that said it was from Warner Brothers. Not being able to watch videos, I can’t vouch for it, so if there are any problems with it, I apologize.

Here’s Your Sign

I Just hate stupid people
They should just have to wear a sign that says "I’m Stupid"
That way you wouldn’t rely on them, would ya?
You wouldn’t ask them anything, "Excuse me? Oh never mind, I didn’t
see your sign.

It’s like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California, our
house was full of boxes, there’s a U-Haul truck in our drive-way.
My friend comes over and asks,
"Hey, you movin?"
"Nope, we just pack our stuff up once or twice a week, just see how
many boxes it takes"
Here’s your sign

Why can’t they get the picture
Why don’t they understand
We’re not dealing with the planet of apes
We’re talkin’ ’bout the modern man
So you people with the mitsy, bitsy, teensy, weensy, tiny minds
Here’s Your Sign
Here’s Your Sign

A couple of months ago, went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled
his boat into the dock. I lifted this big ol’ stringer of bass, the idiot on
the dock goes;
"You catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked em into givin’ up"
Here’s Your Sign

I was out in the front yard, with my boy the other day and he was
playing with his little friend, and he hit his friend, and I went up to him
and said,
"Hey! We don’t hit"
He looked at me like…
"Here’s your sign dad"


I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery channel
There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. There’s only one way to
test that.
"Alright Jimmy, you got that suit on. Looks gooood. They want you to
jump in this pool of sharks, and you tell us when it hurts when they
bite you"
"Well Alright, hold my sign, I don’t wanna lose it."


Last summer I was on my way home, I was driving around, I had a
flat tire, I pulled my tuck into those side-of-the-road gas stations, the
attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear to
God he went,
"Tire go flat?"
I couldn’t resist.
I said "Nope, not at all. I was driving around and all of a sudden the
other 3 just swelled right up on me"
Here’s Your Sign


We were trying to sell our car about a year ago, guy comes over to the
house, drove the car round for about 45 minutes. We get back to the
house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust
pipe. He goes, "Damn that’s hot!"
See if he’d been wearing a sign, I could have stopped him.

(I apologize if the video posted twice, I was experimenting with something in Live Writer.)

Have an awesome 1st day of October!

All rights reserved by DarcsFalcon

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A Fine Cast of Characters on Amazon US (Kindle version)
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Filed under: Funny, Just for Fun, Laughing Out Loud Tagged: Funnies, Funny, Joke, Songs, Stupidity


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