DarcsFalcon: Friday Fragments

Feathers

I hate Tyson. You remember a few weeks ago, when I railed against Walmart for switching from Perdue chicken to Tyson, don’t you? Of course you do, my faithful friends.

So I’ve been left with no other choice but to get the stupid Tyson chicken. That does not make Falcon a happy camper, and I can feel the resentment rise up in me every time I have to open up a package and clean one for dinner.

Tonight I was livid. Guess what I found on my chicken? Yep, feathers. All over the wings and near the rump. Feathers! Oh boy, I was yelling!

Walmart is going to hear about this, and so is Perdue. It always pays to contact the competition. They like you better. It gives them fodder against their competition. So if you see any commercials in the next few months about Perdue chickens being feather-free and ready to cook, you’ll know it was because of me.

Funerals

I was on the phone with a friend of mine, and decided to make a pot of decaf. I turned it on and kept talking, and a few minutes later went to get a cup of coffee. No coffee. I pushed the button again. Nothing. I checked the water – could I have been so distracted by talking that I forgot the water? No, the chamber was full. I went to my husband. “The coffee maker won’t work.”
“Did you turn it on?”

Oh, he earns those smacks!

“Yes, I turned it on! And before you make yet another smart ass remark, yes, I put water in it. It’s not working and I think it’s broken.”

So he went to inspect and a few minutes later made the pronouncement that the pump was broken.

“This is serious!” he said. “Get the kids dressed! We have to go. There is no way I’m getting up in the morning and NOT having a cup of coffee.”

When you only have one drug left to you, you cherish it like a baby.

So, off we went to Walmart to pick up another coffee maker. The old one lasted over 5 years – I can’t remember if we got it in 04 or 05, but regardless, it’s lasted pretty long in coffee maker years. We had a small service before taking it out to the dumpster, in appreciation for it’s years of faithful service.

Funny

Heaven

A woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven.

While she was waiting for Christ to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her.

"Hello – How are you! We’ve been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Christ came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"I see here that it says here that you have accepted my gift of salvation but my Father said to make sure you also have to spell a word," he told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled ‘Love’, and Christ welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Christ came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him for a short time and let him know if anyone arrived.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

I’m surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I’ve been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

" Czechoslovakia ."

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Have an excellent weekend!